Unexpected Thoughts and Situations

So, I've pretty much settled into this new life in St. Johns.

It hasn't been as easy as I had hoped it would be. But it hasn't been as difficult as I had expected.

One thing I didn't expect, but really should have, is how lonely I've been feeling. I never gave much thought to the idea that the only friends I would really know would either be very-busy St. Johnsers, or living with me. Robyn and Meagan are all buddy-buddy girlie-friends though, so that sort of ... makes me feel like a tag along, a pain, or just not belong. And at least home I could pet my doggerz when I was lonely, but he's certainly not here either.

I don't really know. It's great where I am, and in some ways I'm glad to be away from the situation at home, but being alone here makes me realize how much I miss my family. It also sort of forces me to realize the state my family is in, when I have to make two seperate calls to speak to my immediate family.

I woke up today on a depressed-like downswing from last night. After MUN CF I just wanted to crawl in a hole and die. Not sure why, since MUN CF was awesome, but there you have it. That compounded with the fact that nobody was trying to cheer me up (or doing so accidentally, like my doggie sometimes does), and I really, really, wanted to stay in bed untill June.

Another thing I've been mising is communication. I talk with the McWhitesons alot, I guess, but most of it seems to be along the lines of "What do you want for supper?" and "Can I use your cheese?" Robyn's friend (who is also a friend of Kayla's) who's name I still do not know, came over, and we chatted a bit. It was a good talk, and we had a bit in common, but I'm really not looking forward to building completely new relationships, and accepting that old ones will probably never be the same.

And I'm staring at a Math assignment, and 1 1/2 subjects worth of notes that still need typing.

I've been given until Monday to decide whether or not I want to join the band. Having such a close deadline forced on me sort of made my decision for me: "no." I understand that they need to know, but that doesn't change the fact that it's difficult for me to make up my mind on this. I've decided that in the grand scheme of things, a possible year off of Salvation Army banding isn't so bad, and I'm not thinking the Good Lord will take an eraser to my name, on that page in the book of life over it.

I'm going to go talk to buddy bear and go to sleep.