Here at School Again

So. I'm here at the University again. I'm kind of watching my back, since I'm not sitting where I normally do. I fear the others'll show up for lunch, and not see me.

I didn't bring a lunch today. I figured I'd be home by 1, so I'd eat then.

I miscalculated. I'm very hungry right NOW and it's only 10:30. I might get a pita for lunch.

I've been thinking about everythin I've been ranting about recently. When friends say they want to go to University of Ottowa, or wherever else, my first thought has been "I'll go to Vietnam." Why Vietnam? Mostly because everybody knows they're in a bad way. It could be Iran for all I care.

But the feeling has died down a little bit. What AM I going to do next year? Probably stay in University. Is that what I should be doing? I really don't know.

I've been struggling with this misisons idea for a week now. My first thought is about how that feels like where I'm being led. My second thought is about all I'd be giving up. My third, fourth, and fifth thoughts, are about that too. Sixth thought is something about stability.

If I could author my life, I'd start a company, or a coffee shop, or something. I'd manage it for a few years, then pass it on to somebody else. It'd still be mine, and I'd still make money from it, but somebody else would take care of it. I'd then have stability. A foundation of a life I can come back to, in the developed world.

But should I worry about stability? It's nice to have, but whether I'm the next Bill Gates, or the next Mother Teresa, God will provide what I need. Besides, perhaps stability is exactly my problem right now.

I remember the story someone told me about when the Spanish, or the French, or someone, was colonizing a certainc country. They tried a few times, and gave up, came back home, to their foundation. Then the General, or the leader, or whoever had an idea. When everybody went on shore to colonize for the fourth or fifth time, he burned the ship behind them. They were stuck. They HAD to colonize, because there was no way back home.

How long would I stay in North Korea, when I have a Mac, X Box 360, dog, internet etc. in Newfoundland?

Thoughts, thoughts, thoughts. There is another option that feels almost as right as abandoning the developed world: Officership. It's an idea I've rolled around my brain here and there, but never considered for too long. Perhaps that's what I should do? I joked yesterday with a stranger about wanting to have a wife lined up before I went to the Training College, if that's what I'm going to end up doing.

A thought just occured to me again. Europe. Not the third world, but the Army does work there, and I've heard they need people. Is there an Army in Switzerland? Then at least I'd be able to put my German course to use.

Now THERE'S an idea.

Prayer and meditation must be the only answer right now. For now I'll put it out of my mind, and do well in School. I can't honestly say I know I'm going to be an officer or missionary. It's just been an extremely persistant thought this past week. And hey, it could be just a mental retaliation to everybody running away from MUN. I want to run too. If I'm going to be alone, I want to be REALLY alone.

Ugh, why won't this post just end.

Just hit submi*-*