Movie Me

Today I was recalling some things I've said, and thing I've thought over the past few days, and I've boiled them all down to a concept that is probably utterly absurd. I've named it the same thing as the title of this post.

Movie Me.

I think everybody does this thing to an extent, but I think I might have built a small shrine of a life around it. When I think of myself, and who I want to be, I imagine this big movie of my life. In movies, the characters have things that they do, and are in situations that are awesome. Example: I loved how the family used to sit on the roof in 3rd Rock From The Sun. I always wanted my own 'quiet place' or something like that. Some place that's not in my house, but is totally unique to me. I haven't found one, though I've discovered that the steps of DHQ make a good thinking spot. It doesn't feel right though. So I keep searching.

Some things that I've started doing: walking/busing places. It's just a feeling of independence that I like. Walking to church, for example. I could get a ride with Meagan, but it just feels good to walk. It feels "Movie Me." It's part of the person that I want to become.

I've started reading more. I once heard it said thatif you haven't read anything for three days, you have nothing interesting to say.

The other day, I sat on a windowsill with a friend at University. I thought that was so cool. Just sitting there, and looking out a window. People sit there all the time, but it felt like mine that day. You understand that feeling?

Similar to when I walked across campus today. Leaves on the ground. Golden sunlight poured over the buildings. The perfect song on my iPod (I don't remember what it was). Straight from a movie. It felt like I was part of something. I did work in the commons. Just on a computer, with a hundred people around. Doing something useful. Leaving the building after the sun had gone down. A feeling of accomplishment (even though I couldn't even get my assignment to work.)

Unfortunately, that's where my power ends. The rest of Movie Me is built with relationships with great people. They're a two-sided thing, so I can't just say how awesome I am for friendship "X."

Truth is: that feels like the biggest unrealized part of Movie Me. And the world doesn't make it easy. There are three Christian groups at the University, and I've only really gone to one. There are good people there, but for every Stephanie (and there are a few!) I meet, I fear I miss out on two other potential friends. I'm excited for the group service this Friday, but all the same, I wish I didn't have to miss the YFM progressive dinner. Because there are excellent people there too.

I'm going to do something this week, or the beginning of the next. I'm going to plan something to do for the week. With someone, or some people. I don't care, but I think the biggest failure of Movie Me is waiting for organized events to build friendships. It's easy enough for other people, who already have friends, and are content with that. But I'm not comfortable here. I'm wanting to get out and meet. Build.

And I haven't been doing it.

But now I will.

Project for this week: go to Starbucks with someone, or have somebody over. Do. Something.