30 October 2006

Schmexcelence

So today was the worst day of my week in school. It wasn't that bad.

Randomly Meagan decided to head out to the Buck or Two. I tagged along, and managed to get in to Chapters. I picked up the book I ordered like, a month ago. Battle Royale by Koushun Takami. I realized as I looked at the cover that it's the second book in a row I've bought by a Japanese author. And they're completely different too.

I've also noticed something. I hate the thought of people talking negatively about other people. Problems with people. Instead of addressing the person with whom we have the issue, we discuss their downfalls among ourselves. It happens a lot, whether you notice it or not. Well for the first time in a few months, I've realized how good it feels to say "That's just how he is," or "She's always like that."

How unfortunate, the ease of which that slides off the tongue.

I've started to watch Star Wars again. Plus I have five books staring at me, yelling to read. Plus I've just gotten back into my X Box. I need to spend less time with my computer. Too unproductive.

Another thing I've been thinking about is people, and the relationships I have. Somebody observed that "person X" was a bit touchy-feely as a person. I argued to the contrary, to quickly realize how wrong I was. She's just like that around me. Some people and I don't mesh, and that really sucks, because of all the people I "don't mesh" with, I can't think of one that I don't think is an awesome person. I may disagree, and tiff jokingly with them, but there's just not a relationship there that I wish there could be.

I dunno. I guess everything has been magnified lately. With feelings I mean.

I also had an excellent opportunity to geek out at SASF Saturday. A previously unknown girl came to SASF dressed as a Twi'lek Jedi. From Star Wars. She's a fan. I'm a fan. We discussed. It reminded me of the hour-and-a-bit conversation I had with Mr. Sanders once on Star Wars, particulary Yuuzhan Vong invasion, their tactics, casualties, and the resistance efforts of the Galactic Federation of Free Alliances.

Wow.

Finally, if you read none of the above, that's okay. Watch this. It's the trailer for Joyeux Noel.



28 October 2006

Next Term?

So, people keep telling me I should go to Grenfel next term. The only course I'm doing here that I couldn't do there is German, and really ....

But I really don't want to leave. As hard as it is here some days, I've learned not to expect things from people. I've gotten out more. I've beaten my own social path, and now, I feel like the complications of the last month are going to drag me back.

I don't really mind Corner Brook. Since moving here I've appreciated how much more I could have done there. I just walk downtown some nights, why couldn't I do that home? My excuse for not doing anything home was "I have no friends who will do anything right now." I'm in the same position today (well, most of the time) but I still force myself out of the house. How many more friends could I have made that way home?

So I'm not really sure what I'm doing.

In other news, I've rented Lego Star Wars II, in part because Specker just passed me this week in gamerscore. I'll have to fix that. Rentals are your friend, and the Microplay here is only a 15 minute walk away!

So yeah, thanks Specker, for motivating me to dust off the controller and dive into VideoGames again ...

... jerkface!

Finally: I want to go here:

Rwookrrorro

Chewie, will you take me there?




Thanks buddy.

26 October 2006

Joyeux Noël

So, two weeks ago, I blogged on a movie called "Live and Become," that the MUN Cinema Series put on. I also expressed excitement at another movie that they were putting off, called "Joyeux Noël."

I don't know which movie was better. The trailer makes it look different than it really is, but watch it. Better yet, go pre-order it right now.

Absolutely incredible movie.

I can't even get into it. I cried a few times.

Okay, I'll get into it a little tiny bit.

If you don't know your history, the Christmas Truce happened in a few places along the trenches on Christmas Eve of 1914, during the first world war. Leaders of groups on both sides of the war, declared a cease-fire for Christmas. (Important: the armies didn't declare a cease-fire, it was basically just lower ranked people in the trenches, who decided to screw orders for a night, and stop shooting) Christmas came and went, and several days later, nobody was shooting. The higher-ups on both sides of the war had to shake up the lines, and start threatening and forcing people to fight again, because these people couldn't shoot at the people they drank and sang carols with.

The movie:

I know for a fact, due to a High-school education, that the trenches were much, much worse than depicted in the film. Also, some of the character's actions were a bit unrealistic. Also, I think the trenches were filled with somewhat less happiness. It almost seemed like a comedy in a lot of places.

But that was actually really effective in emphasizing the whole climax of the movie.

I can't even get into it. One of my favorite scenes from the movie is in the trailer. It's a day or two after Christmas, and the German leader approaches the French trench, and informs them that German Artillery is going to start firing in ten minutes, and tells them to take shelter in his trench. The shelling stops, and the Irish and French point out that their artillery will probably retaliate soon. They walk across the battlefield and wait it out in the other trench then. It was hilarious in some ways, but incredibly moving too.

I can't even get into it (that's the third time I've said that!). It's just such a superb movie. Honestly, get it. Wal*Mart won't carry it, and you won't find it at HMV. It's going to have to be ordered, because it's a small foreign film. But it's one of the most amazing movies I've ever seen.

Also, small note: the people actually speak their real languages. French soldiers speak French, Germans speak German, and the Irish have this incredible accent. Anything you can't understand is subtitled, which people generally hate, when I mention it. Seriously though: subtitles or not, find a way to watch this movie.

Haikus

Today, Andrew wrote a poem on the back of his lunch receipt. I decided that the next receipt I got, would be graced similarly. So here they are (written at the UC):

Poor
Bank account runs dry
Limited cash in my hands
I have no money

Root-Beer
Sweet tasty Root-Beer
A bev'rage to keep me sane
God's gift to the stressed

Ooh, how liberating. I also had a look at what courses I could possibly do out here next term. I need to see about doing a sixth course. If I don't have any labs, I might as well take on one hey?

Arts degrees rock.

25 October 2006

Day of Apology

At bible study, there was some talk of a campaign that a particular christian group did, at some University campus. During that "drunk weekend" they set up confession booths at their university, and instead of arguing, judging, or justifying, simply apologized to everyone who came in. For everything. Ever.

The Crusades, turning scripture into business, turning people away from the church, making people feel like they needed to be better for God to love them.

I want to do that here. I imagine a person standing on the University campus with a big sign that says "Sorry," and all around them on the ground, written in chaulk, all the things the Church has to be sorry for.

I've also discovered that the SASF/Chi Alpha room is just down the hall from the Homosexual, Bisexual, Transgender room. How can we as a group apologize to these people on behalf of the church? Because like it or not, Christians have hated them, and that needs to be made up for.

24 October 2006

Creepy

Well, this past week, I've had a beautiful image gracing my desktop:


I thought it was hilarious, and have been staring at it in regular intervals. That dude is creepy.

I've finished most of my Computer Science assignment for tomorrow, and then I've got a CAPA to do after I get home tomorrow. Things are slowing down again.

And I'm a person that feels like they should smile at everybody. I've got this joy in my heart, you know? It's been getting difficult to feel. Smiles are very forced nowadays. I realized today that I have nowhere to belong. My Corner Brook home is in shambles, and you're not supposed to 'belong' in a University house like this.

Why is it that a simple request can be turned into an attack?

Hopefully Bible Study will pull me out of this emotional ditch, even though I know I'll be pushed back down into it again shortly.


Oh my. Great picture.

Go Nuts or Get Yelled At

So.

Tonight, I was feeling an onset of the depression that's ruined four weeks of my St. John's life. What did I do? Preliminary strike: I headed out to the mall, and went to a movie.

The movie started a bit before ten. Whoops, that's a bit late, but I'm independant now. Besides, going home defeated would do nothing to help my mental state of mind.

Well this whole thing backfired, for when I returned home, I had two notes on my pillow. "Call Mom" and "Call Dad."

I did so. And now I'm looking at an interesting day tomorrow of "discussing" my education in St. John's.

Was it not just last week that my parents commented on me being "adult"? I didn't/don't agree with that assesment, but if it's good enough for them, it's good enough for me. And yet now, I'm being treated like a child.

I understand that they were worried. Perhaps I should have phoned them, but three quarters and a long distance call don't exactly lend themselves to my information-mission.

Gah, it was such an excelent night. Tomorrow was looking terrific.

Now I'm back PAST square one.

19 October 2006

So I was walking home from my Physics lab tonight, and I got to thinking about the book I've begun to read. It's all about the perfect society for the human race. Essentially it boils down to Capatalist Democracy. The point is that the ideal of a Capitalist Democracy is perfect. Obviously the execution is flawed.

After mulling over it a little bit, I've decided that a Christian Theocracy, with a free market would be the "perfect society." My original struggle was that we don't seem to be made for that. Why would that be a perfect society, if humans don't fit it.

But then I remembered that perfect man would be a humble man. When Karl Marx marched towards communism (not something he realized, but oh well) he did so boldly. When the French Revolution established Democracy as we know it, they did so boldly.

So that was a fun little "eureka" to have in my head. I need to keep a notepad with me when I walk, because there were finer points I wanted to blog about, but between then and walking up my stairs, they were all lost.

13 October 2006

MUN Cinema Series

So. I've found a new thursday night activity.

Yesterday I ran into dave, and I suggested we go get a coffee after supper or something. He suggested going to a movie: Trailer Park Boys. I agreed, for I wanted something to do.

Several moments later, he returned to my desk in the Commons, and put forward a new idea. The MUN Cinema Society plays crazy movies on Thursday night. We decided we'd meet at the mall at 6:30, and catch the 7:00 movie for this week Live and Become.

I was late for the rendevous, and I don't know what happened to Dave, because I never saw him again (well, yesterday at least) but I went to the movie anyways.

From the MUN Cinema Series website:

" The title sounds as if it could have come from the marketing gang at MUN, but this made-in-France masterpiece is as far from commercial branding exercises as they come. This is a moving coming of age story about Schlomo, an orphaned Ethiopian boy who passes for a Falasha Jew during the exodus of 1985. Arriving in Israel, Schlomo is adopted by some well meaning hipsters, but his development hinges on so many uncertainties that his identity remains confused and unarticulated. The film follows him through his quest to know his past and the truth of who he is and is destined to be. Growing up Black and passing for Jewish in Israel is bound to be challenging. Schlomo's story is both entirely credible and shrewdly allegorical, set as it is against the backdrop of a fiercely politicized culture, where issues of race and belonging are crucial to daily life. To be sure, the film is intellectually challenging and laced with deep irony. Award-winning in at least two countries and profoundly probing, LIVE AND BECOME requires your undivided attention."


May I just say that it is quite possibly one of the best movies I've ever seen? Like, I won't say it was THE best, for fear of contradicting myself, but it is most definitely in the top ten. A look at the future schedule for the Cinema society makes me smile even more.

Merry Christmas (Joyeux Noel) is playing on October 26th. I really want to go to that one, and somebody should go with me this time. From the MUN Cinema Society website:

It's a miracle no one had made a movie based on this factual slice of history before, but JOYEUX NOEL has long been a film waiting to happen. Based on the Christmas truce of 1914, the film marks one of the strangest recesses in the history of all wars. When French, Scottish, and, yes, German soldiers, felt compelled to stop fighting and play nice they actually did -- that is they laid down their arms, buried their dead, and had a rousing game of football, right there in the muddy space between the trenches. Nominated for a foreign film Oscar this year, JOYEUX NOEL shows us both the bloody prelude to that extraordinary pause and the punishing consequences. For stopping to fight, many were blamed and persecuted. In the catch-22 of war, sharing music and joy with your enemy is an act of treason. In this, the 90th anniversary of the battle of Beaumont Hamel, JOYEUX NOEL is a sobering, excellently crafted tribute to humanity and its threats. This release might find you shopping for the holidays with a new attitude.


Who's excited?

11 October 2006

... With a Kleptomaniac's Restraint ...

So. YC.

Wow.

I haven't really sat down and blogged about the whole weekend, so this'll be a short post on just that. I didn't have a digital camera, only a disposable one, and I only remembered I had that just now. So I have no pictures of the weekend. If you do, send them to me!

I had never really heard much of Desperation Band before, but I have to say that they've got possibly one of the best setups ever. There's like, a billion guys in the band, and they sort of take turns doing stuff. Example: Three guys shared "lead singer" duties. On their DVD I bought, there is an absolutely incredible music video for "Refuse To Be Denied." Seriously: FIND IT.

Starfield was cool. They're good, and I was so happy when their first chorous they did was "Revolution." Needless to say I sang the 'army' words once or twice through, then went with the crowd.

Tree63 I had only really heard of last year, and I'm not quite sure why it took me that long. They're so excelent. Look up "All Because (Acoustic Version)." Another excelent tune.

Newsboys ... I've already posted on these folks. I wasn't a big fan of them before, mostly because I had only heard one song by them (Which, I might mention, was great). By now I've listened to Shine: The Hits about five times through. How could I go this long without finding these guys either?!

Mike Crazylastname was awesome too. One word mom used to describe him was "real" and I agree 100%. He's got alot to teach, and he's only 23. I can't wait to sit down with his book.

Roosavelt Hunter was energetic again this year. During his breakout session, he (uisng sound guys, and a microphone) stopped my heart with possibly the loudest human shout I've ever heard. It was loud.

The whole YC ordeal this year seemed less Penticostal to me. Not a bad or good thing, just an observation. Less people keeled over, and less people cried out in uninteligable languages.

There's not much more to say, I guess. I met a few people for the first time, and re-aquainted myself with others.

I can't belive I spent that much money too.

Hoo my, I feel bad since this isn't as unified as other people's "YC" posts, but what can you do?

Also, Laia's family moves to St. Johns on the 26th. Pray.

10 October 2006

Chef Boyardee Minis

So, I just had a Chef Boyardee Mini, specifically macaroni and cheese.

The stamp says "Best before Dec 27, 2007."

If I'm eating it a year before the expiry date, and it's still this raunchy, I don't belive there is a "best before."

It's rare that I find something I find that disgusting. But this is my discovery for today.

Other Chef Boyardee Minis are not that bad, but I'm certain* the purpotrator of this atrocity-disgusting Mac and Cheese-is probably Hitler.

* not actually certain.

09 October 2006

Do I Trust?

A blog entry on Pete's blog here, has made me wonder.

The backstory: In an entry, Pete (originally from Australia, he smuggles bibles into China now) told about one run of bibles their group was bringing into China. Driving down the road, with a load of illegal cargo, they passed a woman on the side of the road, who was face down, and looked as if she had been beaten up.

Pete tells us that he struggled with what he could do. He wanted to help her, but to do so, would mean the Police would get involved. For smugglers, Police are obviously bad.

In the end, they passed by, without stopping to help. In hindsight, Pete said he should have jumped out on his own, bible-less, to help, and let the group go on. Both good deeds could have been done.

What would I do? Would I trust that I and the bibles would be okay, and hop out?

Another story comes from Mike Yankoski, a guest from YC this year. Himself and a friend decided to live on the streets for 5 months, across 6 U.S. cities. One of the encounters he told us of at YC, was of an elderly man, who also lived on the street. Mike and his friend had eaten only a single piece of pizza between them for that day. This old man walked by and offered half his loaf of bread, citing that he couldn't eat it all at once.

After the two suggested he save it for tomorrow, the man replied that God would provide for tomorrow, so he didn't need to worry about it. That's scriptural, folks. That's true.

Would I have that faith in God's providing nature?

Friends

This weekend, aside from being a great weekend of worship, was a weekend of discovering, re-discovering, and learning about friends.

I've re-connected with two friends of mine from two years ago. They live in Corner Brook, but I cut off my relationship with one of them (and in the process, the other) because I was afraid of the influence they had on me. They're Christians, but I was too maliable, I guess, and they weren't on the same page. I don't know if we're on the same page now, but we're friends. And that's enough.

I've re-connected in a new way with a friend from St. John's. We've sort of drifted apart, but this weekend, we got all up to speed. The next few months will have to be filled with hanging out.

In that process, I've grown closer to another mutual friend, even if only by a hair. We're so alike, and he's such a great guy. Much more hanging will have to happen.

In that process, I've met his friend, who is even MORE of like mind. Once I get Guitar Hero II for X Box 360, we'll have to have a "rawk konsert!"

I've realized that some good friends, are just different. Nothing wrong with that, we'll just have to connect in different ways. I've reconciled a little bit with some friends. Some friends' jury is still out, but those people are allowed to be like that. I'm sure I've given them reason.

I spent money on ice cream with a friend. We talked about our lives in the past three months. I got the most intense hug, possibly ever. I've known intelectually that people care, and a handfull have shown it. But I've felt it only a few times, from a few people, in the past few months, (not only in St. John's). Except, of course, for Mommy. Because that's just what she does. So this weekend was a big smack-in-the-face of [human] love.

Also:

I've decided I need to stop thinking about women. I don't know what my excuse is, whether it's some underlying idea coming from my family situation, whether it's just being around so many girls, or whether it's just a changing season in my life, but I just need to pull back on the reigns.

I had a rule that I wouldn't date anybody unless I knew them for about a year. At several points this past month, I was ready to toss that rule in the trash. After all, maybe it is a stupid rule. But I just need to pray that 1) "the" woman will come by eventually, 2) I'll recognize her, and 3) I won't go nuts waiting.

This'll be my last thought, so bear with me.

Celebacy is the supernatural removal of romantic/sexual interest in the opposite gender (or any gender, if you want to get modern). It's not a gift I've been granted.

So many people talk about making the most of your singleness. Then there's the school of thought that you need to get married ASAP. I'm sort of struggling between the two of these positions. If my life has taught me anything so far, it's that though I don't need anybody to make me whole (besides god), it's nice when there's somebody to throw your arm around on the couch. I don't want to run straight into "adulthood" and relationships, but God made Adam, Eve, to keep him company.

If a perfect Adam needed company, a fallen Josh had better get company too.

Pray that I have the strength to wait for God's hand to lead my Eve to me (or me to her). I'm quite afraid I'll take things into my own hands, out of impatience. And we know how disasterous the results of that would be.

EDIT: After thinking about this, I'm afraid this'll be interpreted as another attack. It. Is. Not. Some people that may or may not think I'm attacking them, have been some of the few showing a bit of love. Most of the problem there, comes from the love being of a different type, or being shown in different actions. I know it's there, and I thank you folks.

08 October 2006

Breakfast Cereal

"When the toast is burned,
And all the milk has turned,
And Captain Crunch is waving farewell,
When the big one finds you, may this song remind you
That they don't serve breakfast in Hell"

I am a new Newsboys fan.

During the worship concert tonight, Lindsay and I headed towards the front. When we got there we were about 20 feet away from the stage. After some pushing and shoving, we were leaning on the stage.

May I say, that it is difficult to hear lyrics when you're surrounded by screaming hordes of people, and about a billion amps of sound are knocking you an inch, with every strum of a bass guitar. So I was a little confused when the Newsboys finished, and the crowd started to chant something that sounded like "Breakfast."

My confusion only intensified when a fan held up a box of Captain Crunch. And when Peter Furler (Thanks wikipedia) started to pour captain crunch all over the guy standing next to me, all I knew was that it was awesome.

I am sweaty, I am exhausted, my ears still ring, and I've got captain crunch in my pockets.

In a Kutless song, the line comes out "Let them know that a smile is not beyond us." We're Christians, people. Not only should we be loving people above all else, we should be having a blast with life. If we honestly have the maker of all things walking with us every day, we should be caked in Captain Crunch every day, in a different way. We should laugh, we should dance.

I cried tonight, because none of this is happening. I fell to my knees. I put my face to the ground, and I yelled my prayer as loud as I possibly could.

"How can we say we have the fire of God?
Behind a whisper of God is the power of a billion nuclear bombs.
How powerful is his fire? And yet how cooly do we burn?
Too many smoulder and blow out in the pews of a church.
Too many never bring the fire of God as a torch to the world.
Too few ignite other souls for you, and allow the world to feel the heat of your love.
Let me burn so hotly. Let others burst into spiritual flame by looking.
But let me get close enough to ignite them with genuine love.
And send me someone to love with such intensity.
Send me a partner, so we can burn together.
Freind or lover, it doesn't matter.
Give us all pyromaniac hearts."

The prayer was alot less eloquent, and shouted at the top of my lungs, between soul-shattering sobs. I suspect some of my freinds don't read my blog because it's too "religious." I just hope these people understand one day that what I have is certainly not Religion. Religion justifies hatred, and spreads nothing usefull. What I have is the love of a God who came to earth to do two things.

To save: God cannot stand evil. And yet we are an evil race. He hatched a plan, so that he would send his son, to become everything that he hated: the sin of the world, and die with that sin. Bring that sell way the hell down. It's like a body slam. Jesus took that garbage, and buried it in the mat. But being oh so much more powerful, he came up, while the sin was laying defeated on the ground. He did that because he loved us too much to see us all stay away from him.

The American church has made God a judgemental being who takes great pleasure in stamping "heaven" on the people who tell the world what they're doing wrong. But that is ... in words C.S. Lewis might use ... "Damned nonsense." He loved us too much, to see us all flounder, trying to be perfect. He sent the perfect one down to us, the first and only sinless man ever, to become sin for us, and die. Jesus was more evil than Hitler, Stalin, or anybody else in history, because he died for EVERYONE, including them. The sinless one took all that human crud, and became the most wretched person in existance, became the thing he hated most, so that we could be saved, and live the full life he has called us to.

To relate: Being all-knowing, and omnipresent, we could have just said "God knows what you're going through," and be absolutely right. But that doesn't do much for me. Jesus could have easily gone from heaven to the grave, and back to heaven again in three days, and everything would have been good. But he took thirty three years, to live as we live. To be tempted, to feel alone, to deal with all the crap of the human experience. Not because he wanted, or needed to experience it. But because this broken humanity can't take him at his word.

He suffered for us. So we would know for certain that he knows where we are. He knew what it was like to doubt, to struggle. Every cruddy thing that's happened to me, he knows what's on the go. He did all that, just because his creation is too stupid to take him at his word.

I've been thinking lately. Earth must be God's crown jewel, in his creation. He's spent so much time, and effort on it, and it's so beautiful.

But from our artful orb, in God's gallery, we get to see his other work. It appears he enjoys abstract art. Have you ever looked at a nebula? Have you ever sat and stared at cosmic gasses? Nobody can create anything as beautiful, and nobody can fathom anything as huge.

I leave you with my favourite of the bunch I found the other day. The Eagle Nebula:

And a few others, because they're just so incredible ...
Above: Doesn't that look like a morning sky?
Above: The Horsehead Nebula. I lost my closeup picture, but you understand where it gets it's name ...
Above: I think this is the result of a supernova or something. It looks so intense.
Above: The Hourglass Nebula. Tell me that "eye of god" is not freaky. Is it just me, or isn't it ironic that in one of "God's art pieces" it appears as if God is watching us? Earth? The eye looks straight at us. He admires his work.

I can't understand why sometimes. Look how we've messed it up.

07 October 2006

It Really Is An Amish Paradise

This is how the world is supposed to be:

Amish Offer Forgiveness For Killer, Mourn Victims

Family Friend: Amish Girl Asked To Be Shot To Save Others

This is the example the Christian Church is supposed to set.

The Amish, at least, have gotten it right.

In the old testament, God lets the Israelites know that their love for God, their worship of him, and his blessings on the people will make many foriegners move in, to be with them, and among their love for God.

Well I completely understand this now.

I want to be Amish.

Because despite being a bit backwards in some ways ... they seem to have it right.

06 October 2006

Heading Home Today

I'm here in Computer Science.

I'm updating my iPod.

23 hours of video, yo. Juuust in case there's no riviting conversation, or I get sick of work in the car.

Tonight I will:

Hit my own brother...
Hug my mom and dad...
Sleep in my own bed...
Eat my parent's food...
Pet my dog...
Use my old computer...
Lay down on my old couch...
Read in my favourite chair...
Look at Corner Brook from my old window...
... For the first time in a month.

Who's excited?

Class begins now. Time to go to sleep.

05 October 2006

I Must be Pregnant

Ugh.

Just ugh.

It's so strange to read things you've written. Especially if you're me. Case in point: I meant everything in my last blog entry, but I sound like a blubbering drunk idiot in some places.

So ... I'm home alone here now.

You know what that means? I know you do.

...

LAUNDRY! Yess.

And blasting music. And shouting my German vocab at the top of my lungs. And ... sleep?

I'm going to go take my crap out of the dryer, read some stuff I need done for English, and then take another nap.

Sound like a plan? Good.

Heading home tomorrow. 5 people packed into a small-ish car.

I'll let you know how it goes.

Weeping Hearts

"...
If the world was how it should be
Maybe I could get some sleep.
While I lay, I dream we're better
Scales were gone and faces ligher
When we wake, we hate our brother
We still move to hurt each other
Sometimes I can close my eyes
And all the fear that keeps me silent
Falls below my heavy breathing
..."

I'm still sort of recoiling from Sarah's Blog post "Message behind the Music."

Because the last half of the post was exactly what has been on my heart for a while now.

I suspect it's on everyone's heart.

Well, everyone who has one.

People are being killed. People are being silenced. People live in fear. People live alone. People are not living like kings. People are not living like me.

And what are we doing?

I met a girl at Steve's the other day. She's taking a year off before University. She's going on a missions trip for 6 months. She's got the right idea.

I thought "I wish I had thought of that." But then I realized, that if I saw these things first hand. If I could reach out and touch the crying child, if I could smell the burning flesh, if I could see everything as it is, unprotected by a Television Screen, ...

I might not come back.

My heart is breaking right now. I want to end injustice. I want to feed the hungry. I want to serve a fallen humanity, but I feel like I'm supposed to learn first.

How many will die because there isn't an extra hand passing out food for four years, while I persue some useless degree. How many will be saved by a Computer Science degree? Can we afford to wait?

No comments to this one please. If you ABSOULUTELY need to disagree with me, you all have my email (kingbobv3ATgmailDOTcom).

04 October 2006

Putting Things Off

Josh, you are amazing. I don't know how it's possible.

I've had a month to do a simple English assignment, and I've managed to put it off untill the last week. I'm just starting it now.

I've also had a whole week to start on my hellish Computer Science "Assignment 2." Yet I haven't even cracked the book I need to read beforehand.

Now mind you, last year, a post like this might come hours before it was due, but days like this make me wonder what's on the go. What have I done? I've been home since 1:30, and all I've managed to do is study a little of German. No start on my English, or Computer Science, and no reading of Josephus, which I had planned.

I must be too easily distracted. Maybe all you cool kats have it right, going to the QEII library. I might have gone there tomorrow, if I hadn't already made plans with Anant.

03 October 2006

Babel

So, while at a movie the other day, I saw a preview and a poster for the movie coming out soon called "Babel." It's about a guy and his wife being in the middle east or something, and the woman gets shot. In trying to survive/get around, the language barrier looks like it'll be a large element pushing the plot.

But during the preview, the narrator read a passage that sounded like it was something straight from the bible. But it irked me. Genesis 11: 1-9 says:

1 Now the whole world had one language and a common speech. 2 As men moved eastward, [a] they found a plain in Shinar[b] and settled there.

3 They said to each other, "Come, let's make bricks and bake them thoroughly." They used brick instead of stone, and tar for mortar. 4 Then they said, "Come, let us build ourselves a city, with a tower that reaches to the heavens, so that we may make a name for ourselves and not be scattered over the face of the whole earth."

5 But the LORD came down to see the city and the tower that the men were building. 6 The LORD said, "If as one people speaking the same language they have begun to do this, then nothing they plan to do will be impossible for them. 7 Come, let us go down and confuse their language so they will not understand each other."

8 So the LORD scattered them from there over all the earth, and they stopped building the city. 9 That is why it was called Babel [c] —because there the LORD confused the language of the whole world. From there the LORD scattered them over the face of the whole earth.

But that's not exactly what the movie voice guy said. He essentially said the same thing, except noted that God feared what was happening. That man had essentially grown too powerful.

I thought "God wouldn't fear his creation!" but then it hit me. Despite it not being biblical, God probably did fear. He feared for us.

The tower can represent achievement. But look how perverted achievement has become. In splitting the atom, man has gained such immense power. I've heard it referred to as "The power of one thousand suns," and "The power behind a whisper of God." What good could be done with this! But what happens? Most of the energy during the Cold War, and alot of effort now, goes into developing weapons. Trying to use this "tower of Babel" to do evil against man. How could God not fear for his creation? How could he not stop the tower from being built?

In trying to build a tower to the heavens, the people of earth were trying to rival God. If they could build their tower, and belive that they were equals with God, what would happen? What would happen when people think they're above the rest of creation. Well, then you get Racism, and Sexism, you get contempt and hatred.

Imagine all that happening in Genesis. What kind of hell-hole world would be living in today?

Sorry for the two-post day, but that sort of just hit me, and I felt like writing it down.

The Future

Life and Purpose

I have life before me still
and Thy purpose to fulfill;
yea a debt to pay Thee yet:
Help me, Lord, and so I will.
~Herard Manly Hopkins

I'm afraid to go to YC.

Afraid I'll get the call I so anxiously claim hasn't come yet.

Who will go with me?

If I get the call, pray I have a friend who does also. God's love is enough, but companions are so valuble.

02 October 2006

Return Fire

EDIT1: please do note that I retract my statement concerning the ratio of male-to-female sex offenders. I do NOT retract the idea that the ratio is more even than statistics will have us belive. However, I fully acknowledge that an overwhelming majority of these offenders are male. (Something I had always aknowledged, but had no ratio to attach to the concept. This retraction concerns only the hypothetical ratio of male-to-female offenders, and NOT the concept that the statistics are in error.)

This is a frustration post, in 'retaliation' to the post made about my comment on Sarah's Blog.

I'm going to lay this out in simple sentances, so I don't get accused of saying more things.

Men are prideful beings. Were I raped, I would probably have great difficulty reporting it. Society doesn't expect men to be raped, so men would arguably feel a greater sense of shame and embarassment, especially if they were violated by a woman.

So here comes the clarification:

You say males account for 99% of rapists. I say that 99% of convicted rapists are male.

You say men are driven majorly by different impulses than women. I agree.

You seem to say women are the models of a modern society. I say that coming out of the women's rights movement, and sexual revolution, society is much quicker to gloss over female issues, and point a stabbing finger at men.

You say many women don't feel safe walking alone down streets at night. I say many people don't feel safe. You say that it's not other women making them feel threatened. Again, I say that the majority of these "unsafe" people are men.

Society is made up of people. Roughly divided half and half, between two convinient genders. It frustrates me when we divide society into genders, while talking about issues with society. If we're going to divide things up, let's go whole hog with it. After dashing through the women's rights movement, and a big sexual revolution, some of women are still confused. In "liberating" themselves sexually, they enslave men to their impulses. In condemning men, they open themselves to attack.

Ugh, there is no way I can properly explain where I'm going with this. I'm not saying men are blameless. Far from it. I'm not saying women are at fault. What I'm saying is that the blame lies somewhere in the middle. Whether it's skewed towards the men, or women, is no something I'm equipped to discuss.

If you don't agree, you can stop discussing it with me. Don't argue with me about it. Get out there and show the rapists you're so afraid of love. Get out there and remember not to be so insensitive when discussing these issues.

Do that, and I'll remember to keep treating you like a human being.

Mmm, being misunderstood, and then attacked on that basis. Not yummy.

01 October 2006

The Start of Something New

This was the first day in my future history of closed doors.

But here I am, feeling so much more open. Relationship will have to be re-arranged, and re-assessed, meaning that besides some "important" tests for this week, I need to spend alot of time figuring out exactly what that means for some people, and then impliment my new "friendship strategy."

One major part of this new "friendship strategy" is the aquisition of friends outside my current home. So tonight, after church, I asked Gavin what was on the go. He said we'd check it out.

An hour later, Gavin, Caroline, Andrew, Jordan, Veronica, Lacey(who left before we went to Tim's) and myself, were han'n, and generally having a good time.

This lead to much laughter, and Tim Horton's eating. Jokes were made, and nicknames were given. This is what St. Johns has been to me for the past year. The potential for meaningful relationships.

We havn't gotten to meaningful relationships yet, but we're well on the way. Learn to walk before you run. I can't wait for the 21C bible study this week too. I'm going to suggest to some people that we "Hang" on wednesday, or something. Trade email addresses, you know?

I feel so free right now. But soaring birds must still give into the confines of gravity once in a while. For now this means ten minutes of Math review, and then several hours of deep, deep sleep.

YC is exciting me now. I almost wish I didn't have a way out, so I could take the bus with the Citadel crowd. That's nine hours of potential bonding time.

I'll have to make it up after YC.

I hope the rest of my life goes as easily as this day did.