Return to Town

If you had told me in July that in December I would dread the return to St. John's, I'd have laughed in your face. A nice bit has changed for me in Corner Brook, and more is going to change over the next while too.

I talked with my counselor about searching for a rewind button a while back. A desire to return to the familiar, because the new wasn't working out so well. There's still a nagging feeling, a want for a rewind button, but I'm really getting to understand that moving home isn't as close to a "rewind" as I had hoped.

Hanging out with some people here has been uncomfortable. For some it's because I never liked them much anyways. For other's it's because I once liked them so much more. Still others, because I wish I had spent more time with them in the past.

If somebody had told me so much would change in so little time while I was in High School, I again, would have laughed in their face.

I'm not laughing now.

Sometimes in a Video Game, if I'm stuck behind some cover, and I know there's no way back, instead of waging a cautious firefight, I'll run out from cover, guns blazing, and grenades flying. Blindly rushing forward, making decisions on the fly. Running for the next bit of cover, or to find a new escape. If I'm lucky, I might stumble into a way to complete my objective during my blind charge.

An uncomfortable majority of the time, I end up dead, but that's what I'm feeling like right now ... like a cornered animal. The only possible way out is to rush forward blindly, and the odds are quite against.

I'm quite aware of how overly-dramatic a turn my blog has taken recently, and as much as I hate drama queen-ism, I'm not sure how to exercise this from me. Tomorrow I'll be able to walk to my Tim Horton's again, and think it all through.

I'm also considering buying a typewriter.