I was going to post on my feelings on Nan's funeral yesterday, but I didn't. In short, I felt pretty dumb, pretty self conscious, and pretty embarrassed here and there between the preparations and the actual execution of the ceremony. Unfortunate, since these are feelings my Grandmother, I'm sure, never instilled in a single person. Ever.
Stemming from that, I've been going through a bit of an identity crisis here lately. I used to be technology-science-trivia guy. Now I'm feeling more like an artist. Problem is, I'm stuck in between. I've lost a militant interest in Physics, Technology, etc. But I also lack any artistic inclinations I once had. I decided today on my journey to haul out the sketchbook I've been dragging around for the past month, and actually put it to use.
The result, while fairly simple, is probably the best thing to come out of me in the past two plus years. I'll scan and post after.
Yep. That's how it is. I'm wanting to break in the sketchbook again. I never was an incredible artist, but there's something liberating. I wish I could afford paint. Then I bought a small hardcover book to unify all the literary thoughts that have been floating through my mind in the past months. Will anything useful come from either of these outlets? No. I can tell you that now.
But there's something therapeutic about sketching people on a bus.
Here's the scan:
I realize now how very simple the subject was. I stopped looking up once I got to the windows, so the angle is wrong, and it's not as true to what I was actually looking at. The grime on the windows didn't really come across in the sketch either. Maybe if I get a chance, I'll try a face in the next week.
2 comments:
Well, I've heard from people (who aren't family members) that the funeral was very nicely done, and very appropriate, so I'd rest your mind about that one.
I really wish I could have been there, but I plan to pay my respects in Clarenville the next time I manage to get to Newfoundland.
Josh,
Identity crisis happens...
It's like we're trying to find our pre-dertemined place in the world or fit into a certain category.
For years I've tried to find my identity... but I was looking outside of myself.
The more I looked for myself, the more I lost who I was.
Our society often wants to pigeonhole people, sort them in to nice little categories... techie, jock, artist, prep... but the reality is, noone fits into a nice little category.
As harrowing as this eperience may be, searching for your identiy externally can actully lead to a great deal of internal growth - spiritually too!
Your identity is not forged for you, it's forged by you.
Like Dorothy Gale said after she as awakend from OZ, "I learned that if I ever go searching for my heart's desire again, I'll know not to search any further than my own back yard - Because if it isn't there, I never really lost it to begin with."
So, have fun in OZ, but remember... you can't be all thigs to all people, but you can be and do everything in He who gives you strength!
BTW, the sketch is great!
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