I Must be Pregnant

Ugh.

Just ugh.

It's so strange to read things you've written. Especially if you're me. Case in point: I meant everything in my last blog entry, but I sound like a blubbering drunk idiot in some places.

So ... I'm home alone here now.

You know what that means? I know you do.

...

LAUNDRY! Yess.

And blasting music. And shouting my German vocab at the top of my lungs. And ... sleep?

I'm going to go take my crap out of the dryer, read some stuff I need done for English, and then take another nap.

Sound like a plan? Good.

Heading home tomorrow. 5 people packed into a small-ish car.

I'll let you know how it goes.

Weeping Hearts

"...
If the world was how it should be
Maybe I could get some sleep.
While I lay, I dream we're better
Scales were gone and faces ligher
When we wake, we hate our brother
We still move to hurt each other
Sometimes I can close my eyes
And all the fear that keeps me silent
Falls below my heavy breathing
..."

I'm still sort of recoiling from Sarah's Blog post "Message behind the Music."

Because the last half of the post was exactly what has been on my heart for a while now.

I suspect it's on everyone's heart.

Well, everyone who has one.

People are being killed. People are being silenced. People live in fear. People live alone. People are not living like kings. People are not living like me.

And what are we doing?

I met a girl at Steve's the other day. She's taking a year off before University. She's going on a missions trip for 6 months. She's got the right idea.

I thought "I wish I had thought of that." But then I realized, that if I saw these things first hand. If I could reach out and touch the crying child, if I could smell the burning flesh, if I could see everything as it is, unprotected by a Television Screen, ...

I might not come back.

My heart is breaking right now. I want to end injustice. I want to feed the hungry. I want to serve a fallen humanity, but I feel like I'm supposed to learn first.

How many will die because there isn't an extra hand passing out food for four years, while I persue some useless degree. How many will be saved by a Computer Science degree? Can we afford to wait?

No comments to this one please. If you ABSOULUTELY need to disagree with me, you all have my email (kingbobv3ATgmailDOTcom).

Putting Things Off

Josh, you are amazing. I don't know how it's possible.

I've had a month to do a simple English assignment, and I've managed to put it off untill the last week. I'm just starting it now.

I've also had a whole week to start on my hellish Computer Science "Assignment 2." Yet I haven't even cracked the book I need to read beforehand.

Now mind you, last year, a post like this might come hours before it was due, but days like this make me wonder what's on the go. What have I done? I've been home since 1:30, and all I've managed to do is study a little of German. No start on my English, or Computer Science, and no reading of Josephus, which I had planned.

I must be too easily distracted. Maybe all you cool kats have it right, going to the QEII library. I might have gone there tomorrow, if I hadn't already made plans with Anant.

Babel

So, while at a movie the other day, I saw a preview and a poster for the movie coming out soon called "Babel." It's about a guy and his wife being in the middle east or something, and the woman gets shot. In trying to survive/get around, the language barrier looks like it'll be a large element pushing the plot.

But during the preview, the narrator read a passage that sounded like it was something straight from the bible. But it irked me. Genesis 11: 1-9 says:

1 Now the whole world had one language and a common speech. 2 As men moved eastward, ^[a] they found a plain in Shinar^[b] and settled there.

3 They said to each other, "Come, let's make bricks and bake them thoroughly." They used brick instead of stone, and tar for mortar. 4 Then they said, "Come, let us build ourselves a city, with a tower that reaches to the heavens, so that we may make a name for ourselves and not be scattered over the face of the whole earth."

5 But the LORD came down to see the city and the tower that the men were building. 6 The LORD said, "If as one people speaking the same language they have begun to do this, then nothing they plan to do will be impossible for them. 7 Come, let us go down and confuse their language so they will not understand each other."

8 So the LORD scattered them from there over all the earth, and they stopped building the city. 9 That is why it was called Babel ^[c] —because there the LORD confused the language of the whole world. From there the LORD scattered them over the face of the whole earth.

But that's not exactly what the movie voice guy said. He essentially said the same thing, except noted that God feared what was happening. That man had essentially grown too powerful.

I thought "God wouldn't fear his creation!" but then it hit me. Despite it not being biblical, God probably did fear. He feared for us.

The tower can represent achievement. But look how perverted achievement has become. In splitting the atom, man has gained such immense power. I've heard it referred to as "The power of one thousand suns," and "The power behind a whisper of God." What good could be done with this! But what happens? Most of the energy during the Cold War, and alot of effort now, goes into developing weapons. Trying to use this "tower of Babel" to do evil against man. How could God not fear for his creation? How could he not stop the tower from being built?

In trying to build a tower to the heavens, the people of earth were trying to rival God. If they could build their tower, and belive that they were equals with God, what would happen? What would happen when people think they're above the rest of creation. Well, then you get Racism, and Sexism, you get contempt and hatred.

Imagine all that happening in Genesis. What kind of hell-hole world would be living in today?

Sorry for the two-post day, but that sort of just hit me, and I felt like writing it down.

The Future

Life and Purpose

I have life before me still
and Thy purpose to fulfill;
yea a debt to pay Thee yet:
Help me, Lord, and so I will.
~Herard Manly Hopkins

I'm afraid to go to YC.

Afraid I'll get the call I so anxiously claim hasn't come yet.

Who will go with me?

If I get the call, pray I have a friend who does also. God's love is enough, but companions are so valuble.

Return Fire

EDIT1: please do note that I retract my statement concerning the ratio of male-to-female sex offenders. I do NOT retract the idea that the ratio is more even than statistics will have us belive. However, I fully acknowledge that an overwhelming majority of these offenders are male. (Something I had always aknowledged, but had no ratio to attach to the concept. This retraction concerns only the hypothetical ratio of male-to-female offenders, and NOT the concept that the statistics are in error.)

This is a frustration post, in 'retaliation' to the post made about my comment on Sarah's Blog.

I'm going to lay this out in simple sentances, so I don't get accused of saying more things.

Men are prideful beings. Were I raped, I would probably have great difficulty reporting it. Society doesn't expect men to be raped, so men would arguably feel a greater sense of shame and embarassment, especially if they were violated by a woman.

So here comes the clarification:

You say males account for 99% of rapists. I say that 99% of convicted rapists are male.

You say men are driven majorly by different impulses than women. I agree.

You seem to say women are the models of a modern society. I say that coming out of the women's rights movement, and sexual revolution, society is much quicker to gloss over female issues, and point a stabbing finger at men.

You say many women don't feel safe walking alone down streets at night. I say many people don't feel safe. You say that it's not other women making them feel threatened. Again, I say that the majority of these "unsafe" people are men.

Society is made up of people. Roughly divided half and half, between two convinient genders. It frustrates me when we divide society into genders, while talking about issues with society. If we're going to divide things up, let's go whole hog with it. After dashing through the women's rights movement, and a big sexual revolution, some of women are still confused. In "liberating" themselves sexually, they enslave men to their impulses. In condemning men, they open themselves to attack.

Ugh, there is no way I can properly explain where I'm going with this. I'm not saying men are blameless. Far from it. I'm not saying women are at fault. What I'm saying is that the blame lies somewhere in the middle. Whether it's skewed towards the men, or women, is no something I'm equipped to discuss.

If you don't agree, you can stop discussing it with me. Don't argue with me about it. Get out there and show the rapists you're so afraid of love. Get out there and remember not to be so insensitive when discussing these issues.

Do that, and I'll remember to keep treating you like a human being.

Mmm, being misunderstood, and then attacked on that basis. Not yummy.

The Start of Something New

This was the first day in my future history of closed doors.

But here I am, feeling so much more open. Relationship will have to be re-arranged, and re-assessed, meaning that besides some "important" tests for this week, I need to spend alot of time figuring out exactly what that means for some people, and then impliment my new "friendship strategy."

One major part of this new "friendship strategy" is the aquisition of friends outside my current home. So tonight, after church, I asked Gavin what was on the go. He said we'd check it out.

An hour later, Gavin, Caroline, Andrew, Jordan, Veronica, Lacey(who left before we went to Tim's) and myself, were han'n, and generally having a good time.

This lead to much laughter, and Tim Horton's eating. Jokes were made, and nicknames were given. This is what St. Johns has been to me for the past year. The potential for meaningful relationships.

We havn't gotten to meaningful relationships yet, but we're well on the way. Learn to walk before you run. I can't wait for the 21C bible study this week too. I'm going to suggest to some people that we "Hang" on wednesday, or something. Trade email addresses, you know?

I feel so free right now. But soaring birds must still give into the confines of gravity once in a while. For now this means ten minutes of Math review, and then several hours of deep, deep sleep.

YC is exciting me now. I almost wish I didn't have a way out, so I could take the bus with the Citadel crowd. That's nine hours of potential bonding time.

I'll have to make it up after YC.

I hope the rest of my life goes as easily as this day did.