I am Solomon's Fool

I don't like who I am all the time. Maybe not the greatest statement to put where friends can read, but what can you do?

I spend time with people, and then think about how I would view myself if I were them.

"He's a fool"
"He speaks without thinking"
"He doesn't know what he's talking about"
"He's arrogant"
"He's annoying"

All things I hear myself saying about me.

I know there are good things, but that doesn't make the bad ones go away. I want to "fix" those gross spots, because I don't like seeing them on myself, but it's much easier said than done.

I'm really hoping that this Haiti trip will give me an opportunity to look within myself, while I'm focused outward. Likewise with camp, if I get accepted, but I'm pretty much assuming that I won't be, for now. A lot of more qualified people are applying.

This summer is looking more and more mundane with every passing day. It's not that I don't want to work. It's that I do want to do something fulfilling. And for more than just two weeks (though that's better than not at all).

I also noticed something today. I started reading Proverbs again, and with every time I read that book, it leaps out at me more and more. But it condemns me more and more too. In almost every proverb about fools vs. the righteous, or vs. the wise, I paint myself as the fool, more than the other.

Maybe everybody does, I don't know.

"Wounds from a friend can be trusted,
but an enemy multiplies kisses."
(Proverbs 27:6)

Some days I'd sell my soul for one of those disastrous kisses Solomon is talking about here. They won't help me grow, but at least I wouldn't have to realize how I'm in the wrong 90% of the time.

This has been 100% unprocessed thought.