To Create

"If you read this line, remember not the hand that wrote it
Remember only the verse, songmaker's cry the one without tears
For I've given this its strength and it has become my only strength ..."
~Nightwish: Dead Boy's Poem

I want to create. I want to make something. Put my effort into something that'll change somebody's life. Or at least have meaning to somebody other than me and those who pity me.

I want to be part of something epic. I want to change the world. Make it better.

What do I really want to do? Where am I going?

I hear my friends complain about not knowing what they want to do. The thought hit me the other day that I really don't know what I'm doing either. I think to myself "Don't worry about it. Do whatever, you'll be fine no matter what happens." But I suppose knowing that there are jobs in Engineering, or Nursing, or whatever, is comforting. I want that.

Somebody asked me the other day what I want to do when I get out of school. I immediately said "leave the developed world." I was half joking, but then I got thinking about it ...

I still worry this is a romance that plays in my head. I think I might actually be addicted to the internet. Well, maybe it's just something I fill my time with. Either way, if I do "leave the developed world," it'll be painful.

But at least it's a direction to walk in, for now.

I need to study my German. Then perhaps I'll go to sleep.