I think that me waiting for buses, with an iPod, and fresh air, should be outlawed. My brain turns too much, and still comes up with nothing useful.
I was thinking about how much I have to live up to. How much we ALL have to live up to. A friend of mine once told me that we have an awesome responsibility, to minister to those around us. True, but we also must do something even greater: We must live the worth of twenty lives.
The cost of one year of University here, for me, is the cost of sponsoring 20-24 children through the Salvation Army. I get a slightly above-average (for Canada) education, for the cost of twenty way above-average educations in Africa. Is that fair? That means that when I grow up, I must change more than twenty lives. Heck, why start then?
My whole life must be an investment.
I was also thinking about how sometimes I feel very alone in my convictions. Perhaps it's just because I'm nuts, but then the song "Anybody Out There?" by Burlap to Cashmere came on. I just don't know anymore. Is there anybody for me? Not even like, a future life-partner, but a community of hardcore change-the-world people.
Then again, how "change-the-world" am I? All I've been doing all week is talking about becoming a janitor in Jerusalem, or a street vendor in Moscow. Might widen my worldview, but not much more, I suspect.
Anyways, some of the "Anybody Out There?" lyrics:
Sometimes while I'm driving
Trying to find my song
Looking for the answers
And where I do belong
Finally the children are
Bringin' me back home
Ooooooooh Ooooooooh Ooooooooh
Is there anybody out there
Does anybody care
Are the people really there
Ooooooooh Ooooooooh Ooooooooh
Is there anybody seeking
Does anybody see
Or are they deaf and dumb like me
09 November 2006
My Weekend
I cannot wait to go home tomorrow.
I have to get up at like, 5:30, but that's okay. I'm going home.
I have to be on the bus for endless hours, but that's okay. I'm going home.
I have to spend mucho dollars, but that's okay. I'm going home.
It's not that I don't like it out here. I just haven't found my groove yet. It's nice to go back somewhere where you just fit automatically.
I thought today, that it took many years to develop the friendships back home, and that was with people who were just as secure as me. Now I'm here where everyone is already happy, and I need to tear a hole in that wall in order to get in. Can it be done politely? Of course, but it's still not easy to 'break in.'
But that's okay. COD3 playing, Jungle Jim's, movie watching, and Louis-gee's pizza over the next few days.
I have to get up at like, 5:30, but that's okay. I'm going home.
I have to be on the bus for endless hours, but that's okay. I'm going home.
I have to spend mucho dollars, but that's okay. I'm going home.
It's not that I don't like it out here. I just haven't found my groove yet. It's nice to go back somewhere where you just fit automatically.
I thought today, that it took many years to develop the friendships back home, and that was with people who were just as secure as me. Now I'm here where everyone is already happy, and I need to tear a hole in that wall in order to get in. Can it be done politely? Of course, but it's still not easy to 'break in.'
But that's okay. COD3 playing, Jungle Jim's, movie watching, and Louis-gee's pizza over the next few days.
08 November 2006
"Pow!" Day
So, Tuesdays are supposed to be my slack day. Only two classes, with three hours between, and then the rest of the day for myself. But today has been a day of waiting, because at 3, I had a meeting with my "shrink" (he's actually a psychologist, not a psychiatrist, but I call him that because it makes me feel like I have big issues), at 5, I had a Physics test, and at 7, I had to catch a ride to Bible Study with Jillian.
My first "Pow!" came today with English, and realizing that I have an in-class assignment on Thursday. Nothing to worry about, but I just didn't expect it so soon.
My second "Pow!" came with my meeting with my Psychologist. He says I'm adapting. Or something. I've felt really good lately, and he's pretty much re-enforced the concept that it's doing stuff that's made me that way. Being with people, reading, watching movies, playing X Box. It's all good. I'm finding ways to escape, and ways to cope with life. And I'm also removing some factors that make me want to escape in the first place.
My third "Pow!" came with a conversation I had with my cousin about video games. I won't post her argument here, because I know I'll misrepresent her. Her arguments were mostly valid or excusable due to lack of experience, but it was interesting to hear the other side from somebody who isn't a crazy Florida Lawyer who shares my last name and who's first name rhymes with "Hack." My big thought came when I realized that we can still be on opposite sides of the argument and "know" we're right. Where am I wrong in my thinking? Well obviously, I think "nowhere," otherwise I wouldn't argue those points, but it's something to think about. Where do my prejudices, and inexperience color my perception. Even worse, where do my intense desires for things, wash out all rational arguments against the things I'm thinking about. Did that even make sense? Of course not.
My final "Pow!" was a big let-down, though it shouldn't have been. You know when you know the truth, but since nobody has corroborated your theory, you still hold on to the hope that you're wrong, and everything is how you want it to be? You know when somebody finally corroborates that truth, and you're like "Aaw, crap." Yeah, that's what happened.
She's a cool girl too. I don't even know her that well, and here I was pretending I had a chance to sweep her off her feet. It's probably for the best, since if I can't move in, I can't mess things up, yeah?
Ugh, wasn't I supposed to grow up somewhere between High-School and University? I'm chasing girls more hardcore here than I was a year ago! What's wrong with me? It's probably just that I'm still under the illusion that everyone around me is stupendous. I haven't learned everyone's vice. Plus there's a bit of loneliness. And the delusion that a girlfriend would make the world better all of the sudden.
I've also been using Google as a spell check, ever since FireFox 2.0 came out. Why you ask? Because it has spell-check built into it. I have to eliminate those red lines. They're like my kryptonite.
My first "Pow!" came today with English, and realizing that I have an in-class assignment on Thursday. Nothing to worry about, but I just didn't expect it so soon.
My second "Pow!" came with my meeting with my Psychologist. He says I'm adapting. Or something. I've felt really good lately, and he's pretty much re-enforced the concept that it's doing stuff that's made me that way. Being with people, reading, watching movies, playing X Box. It's all good. I'm finding ways to escape, and ways to cope with life. And I'm also removing some factors that make me want to escape in the first place.
My third "Pow!" came with a conversation I had with my cousin about video games. I won't post her argument here, because I know I'll misrepresent her. Her arguments were mostly valid or excusable due to lack of experience, but it was interesting to hear the other side from somebody who isn't a crazy Florida Lawyer who shares my last name and who's first name rhymes with "Hack." My big thought came when I realized that we can still be on opposite sides of the argument and "know" we're right. Where am I wrong in my thinking? Well obviously, I think "nowhere," otherwise I wouldn't argue those points, but it's something to think about. Where do my prejudices, and inexperience color my perception. Even worse, where do my intense desires for things, wash out all rational arguments against the things I'm thinking about. Did that even make sense? Of course not.
My final "Pow!" was a big let-down, though it shouldn't have been. You know when you know the truth, but since nobody has corroborated your theory, you still hold on to the hope that you're wrong, and everything is how you want it to be? You know when somebody finally corroborates that truth, and you're like "Aaw, crap." Yeah, that's what happened.
She's a cool girl too. I don't even know her that well, and here I was pretending I had a chance to sweep her off her feet. It's probably for the best, since if I can't move in, I can't mess things up, yeah?
Ugh, wasn't I supposed to grow up somewhere between High-School and University? I'm chasing girls more hardcore here than I was a year ago! What's wrong with me? It's probably just that I'm still under the illusion that everyone around me is stupendous. I haven't learned everyone's vice. Plus there's a bit of loneliness. And the delusion that a girlfriend would make the world better all of the sudden.
I've also been using Google as a spell check, ever since FireFox 2.0 came out. Why you ask? Because it has spell-check built into it. I have to eliminate those red lines. They're like my kryptonite.
06 November 2006
From "I think my TiVo is gay"
From "I think my TiVo is gay"
" ... I think as a country we are ready for more gay consumer electronics. I mean, a DVD player is obviously designed to be connected to a Television set, but if two DVD players want to be connected to each other, is that really threatening your marriage? .. "
Why did I find that so funny?
" ... I think as a country we are ready for more gay consumer electronics. I mean, a DVD player is obviously designed to be connected to a Television set, but if two DVD players want to be connected to each other, is that really threatening your marriage? .. "
Why did I find that so funny?
05 November 2006
MSN Time Capsule
I just went through a dozen or so long conversations that I have archived on MSN. It's incredible the way things have changed. University was going to solve all my problems, relationships could only get stronger. My life was going to be a picture-perfect film. If you had challenged me on it back then, I'd have acknowledged that it wouldn't be movie-like, but I still didn't expect life to be like this.
I went to a movie with Steph A last night. We saw Man of the Year. Excellent movie, and a great time. We waisted three hours wandering the mall, going to HMV, sitting in The Second Cup, and chatting.
I cannot believe how much I love to talk. To hear. To tell. It's so great. You get to understand people a bit more, even if it's just in a superficial way. I wonder the value, but then realize that the value isn't as important as the fact that I had a great time, talking about virtually nothing.
A friend of mine was talking to me on MSN the other day. About University and his life. He was joking about how little he got out as a University student. I said he should get out more, socialize a bit. He told me that when he was done his education, he'd have the time and means to party.
But will he know how? All of his friends will be party veterans, and he'll be the rookie. It won't even be the same thing.
Why aren't we more careless people? People quote the phrase "Live each moment like it'll be your last," but never do it. I'm not saying we should forget the future, but we need to have a good time now. Einstein said something about how the American man is to focused on the future, too concerned with where he will be, than where he is.
He also said "A happy man is too satisfied with the present to dwell too much on the future." How much of the present must we barter off for a great tomorrow that might never come? And if it does come, and it's not as great as it could be ... then how much does that matter anyways?
I'm winding down now, I swear: The problem with people today is ... well, first and foremost, the belief that we don't need God. Second, though, is this consumerist society. What are most of our goals? Nice house, nice car, good job. Yeah, children factor in, and a wife, perhaps, but we can deconstruct that down to biology, if we really wanted to. I don't know what I'm saying, to be honest. This is just a tangent I sort of got launched off on.
This is also my 300th post across all the blogs I've had in the past years.
They make less sense today than they did when I started blogging.
I went to a movie with Steph A last night. We saw Man of the Year. Excellent movie, and a great time. We waisted three hours wandering the mall, going to HMV, sitting in The Second Cup, and chatting.
I cannot believe how much I love to talk. To hear. To tell. It's so great. You get to understand people a bit more, even if it's just in a superficial way. I wonder the value, but then realize that the value isn't as important as the fact that I had a great time, talking about virtually nothing.
A friend of mine was talking to me on MSN the other day. About University and his life. He was joking about how little he got out as a University student. I said he should get out more, socialize a bit. He told me that when he was done his education, he'd have the time and means to party.
But will he know how? All of his friends will be party veterans, and he'll be the rookie. It won't even be the same thing.
Why aren't we more careless people? People quote the phrase "Live each moment like it'll be your last," but never do it. I'm not saying we should forget the future, but we need to have a good time now. Einstein said something about how the American man is to focused on the future, too concerned with where he will be, than where he is.
He also said "A happy man is too satisfied with the present to dwell too much on the future." How much of the present must we barter off for a great tomorrow that might never come? And if it does come, and it's not as great as it could be ... then how much does that matter anyways?
I'm winding down now, I swear: The problem with people today is ... well, first and foremost, the belief that we don't need God. Second, though, is this consumerist society. What are most of our goals? Nice house, nice car, good job. Yeah, children factor in, and a wife, perhaps, but we can deconstruct that down to biology, if we really wanted to. I don't know what I'm saying, to be honest. This is just a tangent I sort of got launched off on.
This is also my 300th post across all the blogs I've had in the past years.
They make less sense today than they did when I started blogging.
04 November 2006
Denomonational Bras
While blog-hopping today, I came across this joke, which I thought was pretty funny, so I'll post it here.
If you're interested, it was linked from lublink.ca, to here.
=====
If you're interested, it was linked from lublink.ca, to here.
=====
A man walked into the ladies department of a Macy’s and shyly walked up to the woman behind the counter and said, “I’d like to buy a bra for my wife.”
“What type of bra?” asked the clerk.
” Type?” inquires the man, “There’s more than one type?
“Look around,” said the saleslady, as she showed a sea of bras in every shape, size, color and material imaginable.
“Actually, even with all of this variety, there are really only four types of bras from which to choose.”
Relieved, the man asked about the types. The saleslady replied:
There are the Catholic, the Salvation Army, the Presbyterian, and the Baptist types. Which one would you prefer?
Now totally befuddled, the man asked about the differences between them. The Saleslady responded, “It is all really quite simple.. .
The Catholic type supports the masses.
The Salvation Army type lifts the fallen,
The Presbyterian type keeps them staunch and upright, and
The Baptist makes mountains out of mole hills.
=====
01 November 2006
Movie Me
Today I was recalling some things I've said, and thing I've thought over the past few days, and I've boiled them all down to a concept that is probably utterly absurd. I've named it the same thing as the title of this post.
Movie Me.
I think everybody does this thing to an extent, but I think I might have built a small shrine of a life around it. When I think of myself, and who I want to be, I imagine this big movie of my life. In movies, the characters have things that they do, and are in situations that are awesome. Example: I loved how the family used to sit on the roof in 3rd Rock From The Sun. I always wanted my own 'quiet place' or something like that. Some place that's not in my house, but is totally unique to me. I haven't found one, though I've discovered that the steps of DHQ make a good thinking spot. It doesn't feel right though. So I keep searching.
Some things that I've started doing: walking/busing places. It's just a feeling of independence that I like. Walking to church, for example. I could get a ride with Meagan, but it just feels good to walk. It feels "Movie Me." It's part of the person that I want to become.
I've started reading more. I once heard it said thatif you haven't read anything for three days, you have nothing interesting to say.
The other day, I sat on a windowsill with a friend at University. I thought that was so cool. Just sitting there, and looking out a window. People sit there all the time, but it felt like mine that day. You understand that feeling?
Similar to when I walked across campus today. Leaves on the ground. Golden sunlight poured over the buildings. The perfect song on my iPod (I don't remember what it was). Straight from a movie. It felt like I was part of something. I did work in the commons. Just on a computer, with a hundred people around. Doing something useful. Leaving the building after the sun had gone down. A feeling of accomplishment (even though I couldn't even get my assignment to work.)
Unfortunately, that's where my power ends. The rest of Movie Me is built with relationships with great people. They're a two-sided thing, so I can't just say how awesome I am for friendship "X."
Truth is: that feels like the biggest unrealized part of Movie Me. And the world doesn't make it easy. There are three Christian groups at the University, and I've only really gone to one. There are good people there, but for every Stephanie (and there are a few!) I meet, I fear I miss out on two other potential friends. I'm excited for the group service this Friday, but all the same, I wish I didn't have to miss the YFM progressive dinner. Because there are excellent people there too.
I'm going to do something this week, or the beginning of the next. I'm going to plan something to do for the week. With someone, or some people. I don't care, but I think the biggest failure of Movie Me is waiting for organized events to build friendships. It's easy enough for other people, who already have friends, and are content with that. But I'm not comfortable here. I'm wanting to get out and meet. Build.
And I haven't been doing it.
But now I will.
Project for this week: go to Starbucks with someone, or have somebody over. Do. Something.
Movie Me.
I think everybody does this thing to an extent, but I think I might have built a small shrine of a life around it. When I think of myself, and who I want to be, I imagine this big movie of my life. In movies, the characters have things that they do, and are in situations that are awesome. Example: I loved how the family used to sit on the roof in 3rd Rock From The Sun. I always wanted my own 'quiet place' or something like that. Some place that's not in my house, but is totally unique to me. I haven't found one, though I've discovered that the steps of DHQ make a good thinking spot. It doesn't feel right though. So I keep searching.
Some things that I've started doing: walking/busing places. It's just a feeling of independence that I like. Walking to church, for example. I could get a ride with Meagan, but it just feels good to walk. It feels "Movie Me." It's part of the person that I want to become.
I've started reading more. I once heard it said thatif you haven't read anything for three days, you have nothing interesting to say.
The other day, I sat on a windowsill with a friend at University. I thought that was so cool. Just sitting there, and looking out a window. People sit there all the time, but it felt like mine that day. You understand that feeling?
Similar to when I walked across campus today. Leaves on the ground. Golden sunlight poured over the buildings. The perfect song on my iPod (I don't remember what it was). Straight from a movie. It felt like I was part of something. I did work in the commons. Just on a computer, with a hundred people around. Doing something useful. Leaving the building after the sun had gone down. A feeling of accomplishment (even though I couldn't even get my assignment to work.)
Unfortunately, that's where my power ends. The rest of Movie Me is built with relationships with great people. They're a two-sided thing, so I can't just say how awesome I am for friendship "X."
Truth is: that feels like the biggest unrealized part of Movie Me. And the world doesn't make it easy. There are three Christian groups at the University, and I've only really gone to one. There are good people there, but for every Stephanie (and there are a few!) I meet, I fear I miss out on two other potential friends. I'm excited for the group service this Friday, but all the same, I wish I didn't have to miss the YFM progressive dinner. Because there are excellent people there too.
I'm going to do something this week, or the beginning of the next. I'm going to plan something to do for the week. With someone, or some people. I don't care, but I think the biggest failure of Movie Me is waiting for organized events to build friendships. It's easy enough for other people, who already have friends, and are content with that. But I'm not comfortable here. I'm wanting to get out and meet. Build.
And I haven't been doing it.
But now I will.
Project for this week: go to Starbucks with someone, or have somebody over. Do. Something.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
