24 October 2007

Motivation

Considering that I was up until 3:30 last night constructing a Halloween costume, I have absolutely no excuse for not having my Philosophy book read.

Motivation, is an issue.

I'm going to get on that. No sleep until the reading is done.

23 October 2007

Chatting with God

I found this application on this blog. It's actually a lot of fun.

A highlight ...

Me:
Where do babies come from?
God:
Babies come from the love between a man and a woman.
Me:
But what if there is no love?
God:
Try it and see.
Me:
Are you suggesting I have meaningless sex?
God:
Yes, that's what I mean, isn't it clear?

Clearly this isn't Yaweh.

18 October 2007

Arctic-Grade iPod Headphones

I need Arctic-Grade iPod Headphones. I'm sick of headphones breaking just because I want to go walking outdoors.

It gets cold in Newfoundland. Newfoundland isn't Antarctica, though. You'd think if someone is going to design a product for the developed world, it would work in the developed world. Anywhere in the developed world.

And yet, I need to replace my headphones three times a winter. Winter hasn't even hit yet, and my current pair is going.

Do Arctic-Grade iPod Headphones exist? And if so, where can I get them.

16 October 2007

My Ahumanism

I had a conversation with David a while back about faith. He said something that struck me, when he stated that he was more confident in the existence of God, than in his own existence. A strong statement. And after considering it, it's a conviction that I share.

It's long been known to me where my faith falls. It's not faith in God. It's my faith in man that is shaken.

I know it's not wise to put faith into anything as shaky as the human experience, but if I don't have at least a little faith, nothing will ever get done. How can I build a relationship if I don't believe in those with whom I am dealing?

The whole thing is a mess. I can't even get into what I want to say right now ... I don't know what I want to say, much less how to say it. If you've got the time, just pray that I won't be such a moron with these things.

I'm getting exhausted with constant thinking. A break would be nice. Which means it's sleep time.

14 October 2007

Confidence and Consequence

Google tells me that the title of this post is also an album by a band "Too Pure to Die." Completely coincidental, I assure you.

So I think about something. I talk about it, and I reach a conclusion. I'm confident in most of my conclusions, because they receive a trial by fire before I accept them. That's just how I work.

That doesn't mean convictions don't come without consequences. I So Hate Consequences. Different from the song, it is, but I just wanted to link something.

Looks like this is going to be an interesting week with meeting with a few ... gurus ... and talking about future plans, what's going on now, leadership, and other related things. Shepard Book, from Firefly, when asked why he didn't care where he was going, replied "'Cause how you get there is the worthier part."

Some times I just wish I'd arrive. I don't care how important the journey is. I don't care that it forces you to grow. I honestly believe that looking back at myself in the past year, I've grown a lot. A year ago, I would have been angered b y someone calling themselves an adult. "That's a distinction you don't get to make!" I'd cry.

Well I'm laying my claim to adulthood now. I know there's a ways to go before I'm the man I'm supposed to be. Nevertheless, I am an adult. And most of the time I'm treated like one. So I might as well admit it.

But alas, I digress. I'm confident that I'm an adult. I'm confident that my spiritual walk right now is better than it's been in a long time. I'm confident that admitting my weaknesses, and insecurities, and asking for help is the most adult thing I will ever do. And I'm confident that I don't have to agree with people just because they don't understand how I can disagree with such perfect logic.

And I'm confident that this confidence won't last long enough for me to do something with it. Unfortunate.

(Why do I always have to end off on such a pessimistic note? I want my optimism back.)

A Challenger Approaches!

So here it is at two o'clock. I can't sleep. I've tried, but it's not happening. What is my solution? Ice Cream. That and then sitting down.

I'm about to open the word, but for now I'll blog.

Relevance vs. Difference. What does a relevant Christian look like? Who does he hang out with, and where does he go? Casting crowns tells me ...

What this world needs is for us to stop hiding behind our relevance
Blending in so well that people can't see the difference
And it's the difference that sets the world free

So I ask myself how relevant I'm trying to be, and whether I'm hiding behind it. There are times that I avoid correction, I'd rather look right than be right.

This is not one of those times.

I need truth here.

In opposing ideologies, I'm by the danger tree. There's no safety here. I've been in one trench, and I'm being called towards the other. I need to find my conviction, and jump in the trench that I believe. I'm not 100% sure which one that is right now.

As a Christian, should I stay away from those dark and dangerous areas? I try to live by St. Francis' "Preach the Gospel always, and if necessary use words." So are those dark areas the "if necessary" times? Should I never walk there unless I'm speaking the word of God?

Or should I go there, and be with the people of my culture and generation? Should I live out St. Francis' command there the same as everywhere else?

Ugh, truth, find me quick!

07 October 2007

Kierkegaard's Worst Deciple

Let others complain that our age is evil; my complaint is that it is paltry. For it is without passion. People's thoughts are thin and flimsy as lace, they themselves are as pitiable as lacemakers. The thoughts in their hearts are too paltry to be sinful. For a worm it might be considered a sin to harbour such thoughts, but not for the human being shaped in the image of God. Their desires are stodgy and sluggish, their passions are sleepy. They do their duty, these hucksters, but like the Jews, they let themselves clip the coin just a little; they think that however well the good Lord keeps His books, they can still get away with cheating Him a little. Fie upon them! That's why my soul always reverts to the Old Testament and to Shakespeare. There at least one feels that it's human beings talking. There people hate, people love, people murder their enemy and curse his descendants through all generations, there people sin.
~Søren Kierkegaard ("Either/Or")

YC is done for a year, and I've been thinking here at my desk about action, passions and reason.

There was a moment during worship where it felt like God went Day of Pentecost on my pitiful rear. I closed my eyes, and just let myself move. It felt like worship, a level of worship I have been to only a few times. A time or two over the summer I recall having a lot of space to worship in, so I let myself move as I wanted to. It felt like worship. Unrestricted.

At YC I began to yell. Not mindless yelling, but shouting the reasons for my happiness, and praise to my king. It was incredible. I recall shouting several times in a minute "We Have the Ark." I hope nobody was watching, because thinking back, I must have looked like an idiot. Truthfully I felt a little bit the part as well, but after having read 2nd Samuel 6 again, my mind was put to rest.

When David returned home to bless his household, Michal daughter of Saul came out to meet him and said, "How the king of Israel has distinguished himself today, going around half-naked in full view of the slave girls of his servants as any vulgar fellow would!"

David said to Michal, "It was before the LORD, who chose me rather than your father or anyone from his house when he appointed me ruler over the LORD's people Israel—I will celebrate before the LORD. I will become even more undignified than this, and I will be humiliated in my own eyes. But by these slave girls you spoke of, I will be held in honor."

And Michal daughter of Saul had no children to the day of her death.

2 Samuel 6:20-23

David started taking off clothes! I've joked about it on several occasions, but never even in the context of worship. There's always next Sunday ...

Or even Monday, we should worship with our lives, right?

Anyways, I begin to think about passion, and the passion vs. reason, and whether there really is a vs. in there. I haven't decided on that, but Kierkegaard's work Either/Or (which I quoted above) begins with this ...

Are passions, then, the pagans of the soul?
Reason alone baptized?
~Edward Young

Which makes me think about whether I give my passions credit. Whether I burn them at the stake for being a pagan, and then let reason reign.

It's actually not as simple as that. Reason rarely reigns within me completely, which sometimes I curse, sometimes bless. But I wonder if the minority government within myself needs a shake-up. Should I act passionately? At least if I mess up, it'll be a real screw up, as opposed to letting my lacy self remain paltry.

And besides ...

A warrior poet once said
You're not dead yet so live like you could be
A warrior poet said
Have no regrets when you're old
~ The Classic Crime ("Warrior Poet")

So what's the worst that could happen if I act passionately. I could make an idiot of myself, but I clearly don't mind that. I've bought $200 of groceries to lug through a blizzard at 12 am. I've spent a night homeless for the sake of a day with friends. And a thousand other things I can't remember right now, but am realizing I need to write down.

At least I'd make a real idiot of myself. A passionate idiot. Instead of the fake idiot I've created with my silly facade. Don't get me wrong, that IS me. I am silly. But I'm not passionate about silliness. There are other things worth being passionate about.

Now it's time to get passionate. And it's time to start acting on that passion.

Also, it's time for a midnight sandwich.

03 October 2007

Communication

My Chinese Philosophy professor (A professor of Chinese philosophy, not a Chinese professor of philosophy) regularly makes me feel like it's my fault the world is going down the tubes. There was a specific day I remember when she pointed out that our culture seems to think anything on a screen is " ... true, and important, and good."

She assumed we didn't believe it. So she pointed out "How many of you have these stupid blogs?" A pause. "Why? 'Well, my thoughts are on a screen, that means they're important.'"

I don't agree with many of her thoughts, but she challenges me, and at the very least makes me think about what I'm getting on with.

So, without further delay, I get to my first blog post in over a month. Nobody even checks this place anymore, do they?

A lot has happened. I realized that as I thought about what I'm passionate about tonight. If I had to give an answer right now, it would be 'Communication.' Meeting people, and being able to communicate ideas and feelings. Communication for the sake of something bigger, like philosophy or theology, or Communication for the sake of communication.

I'm taking German still. Not doing terrific in it, but I'm getting by. I love it. I'm also doing Ancient Greek this term. Again, I'm doing terrible, but so far I'm getting by. And I'm enjoying it, despite the hard time I'm having.

How proficient do you have to be before you can count yourself as having a second language? I was wondering that the other day, because I don't call myself bilingual, while I have friends that do, because they can ask where the bathroom is in French.

I've been realizing, also, that I'm a lot more proficient in German than I thought I was.

It's great.